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I'm hoping to include the legend of Robin Hood and stories of different mythical creatures. My idea is that Robin Hood has an apprentice who doubles in help him return wealth to the poor, but on the side doubles as a beast hunter eradicating monsters that are plaguing the locals.
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| Two Saxon Archers |
Ohhh! I was really excited when I saw the title. I have a really big soft spot for Robin Hood. So, really great job reeling in nerds like me : ) I really found that your introduction stayed in-tune with the story of Robin Hood, the flogging, Nottingham, schillings. You didn’t change anything that made the story of Robin Hood so special (why would you? It’s fantastic! Sorry…I just really love the original story). Maybe reconsider changing the lead characters’ name. Roger seems like a name that just doesn’t work in the epic world of Nottingham, it sounds like a simplistic name (maybe that’s the point, give a simple named to make the overlooked man more overlooked). Also, did a great job of giving us a lead into what the story entails and what to expect next, which lead me coming back for more in the future. Before I forget I hope that you continue bringing more of those little quotes in, makes the story unique!
ReplyDeleteThe first paragraph of your introduction sounded suspenseful because it started with an announcement of criminals. Also, I like the addition of the incentive and punishment in the first paragraph. In my mind, people are told that someone is wanted, but it is rare that incentives and punishments are included. However, it makes sense to add this because of the time period.
ReplyDeleteThe addition of the poem makes the introduction stand out. Also, it shows the readers that Godberd and Scout are an awesome, tight team. They are heroes despite him being Robin Hood’s sidekick.
The rest of your introduction is thorough in letting readers know who Roger Godberd is. It makes me want to read about him because Robin Hood is the more well-known character.
I wonder if it would be useful to add who is talking in the beginning. I would assume that it is a town crier judging from the caption and at the end of the last paragraph, but it would nice to know at the beginning or end of the paragraph.
Hi Alec, I do not know a ton about website themes and layouts so I do not know if this is even possible but your theme is really simple which is not a bad thing at all! But my suggestion would be that if you could find something that represented the time period of your Storybook a little bit more, that might help it mesh with your Storybook topic a little better. In regards to your introduction, the very first paragraph is great! It caught my attention immediately. The picture that you used in your introduction fits perfectly with your Storybook topic as well – good choice. I absolutely love your Storybook topic idea. It is a really interesting concept that made me want to read more. I just had one question only because I have not read the tale of Robin Hood for this class – did you create the character of Roger Godberd or did that come from the original story? I was just curious. Overall, I think your introduction is great. It kept my attention and left me wanting to read more. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteRoger Godberd is actually a notorious outlaw that many historians believe to have inspired the folktales of Robin Hood. I thought it would be ironic and fun to make Roger an apprentice to Robin. I appreciate your opinion on the website themes, and I agree. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to change it... I'm currently looking into it.
DeleteHey, Alec! Your introduction looks great! A little off topic, but the announcement of flogging reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from "A Knight's Tale", which includes a good "fonging" and "pain, lots of pain". If that goes over your head I highly recommend watching the movie for a good laugh. Anyway, I feel that your introduction is very well-written. The opening announcement introduces your dashing sidekick very well, and engrosses the reader. I'm also assuming you came up with that phenomenal poem which I really enjoyed! I like the fact that Roger will have to contend with not only being on the wrong side of the law, but also the dangerous youth-sucking monsters you have outlined. I was really left wondering how you are going to work in the monsters. Perhaps they'll be the minions of a witch who just can't let go of her looks, or something even darker. Either way, I'll be tuning in for more stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Alec,
ReplyDeleteWow, I loved your introduction piece and it made me really excited to follow along the story of Roger Godberd! The town crier's announcement at the beginning did a fantastic job of setting the tone and picking up the excitement that concerns "criminals" on the run. It allowed the reader to be swept up into the world you are creating and the picture in between this and the writing that followed helped us ease out of that world.
It is interesting that your writing these famous stories from the sidekick's perspective and I am sure it'll make for an exciting new take on an old story. My only piece of advice would be to maybe play around with your layout to fit the theme of your story more. You did such good job of sucking the reader in with your words, the surrounding design would just add to the experience! Cannot wait to see how this story unfolds, keep up the good work!
Belle
Hey Alec, I liked the introduction to your storybook. It left me wanting to know more and gave a feel for suspense. In addition, this well prepared introduction gave me a frame work of what to expect when reading. I also like the theme that you chose to talk about and the interesting perspective you are taking upon to write these adventures. I am a fan of Robin Hood and kind of what he stands for. It is somewhat morally controversial which makes it that more interesting. I think you did a good job with the overall setup of your story book as well. It seems to set a tone for the stories and is very fitting. Lastly, the diction you used, along with the immediate use of dialogue worked very well to gain interest for your readers. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing how your story book continues to develop
ReplyDeleteAlec, I loved your storybook intro! It was really well written and I loved town crier part. I am already hooked! It is true that sidekicks get overlooked. I have never heard of Roger Godberd. You did a great job of setting up your character's personality, you can tell that Roger is an outlaw with a heart of gold, exactly like his mentor. I am really looking forward to seeing how the youth robbing part plays out. You were very descriptive, I could see the people gathering around the town crier. The last sentence reminded me of Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring where Aragorn is sitting, shrouded in a corner of the pub the hobbits first stop at. I imagine Roger sitting in the dining hall, sort of in the corner, with his hood up (like Aragorn), listening to the stories about himself. You did a great job! Can't wait for your next story!
ReplyDeleteAlec, I. Love. Robbin Hood. After reading your introduction I could tell you are gifted with writing in a great tone when it comes to story telling. When I was first reading it, I couldn't really tell that it was a student writing it because you nailed the way the town crier should speak as well as the type of language and grammar that is usually used in telling stories like this. I'm intrigued by the position of your story being told from the side kick instead of the main hero. We often forget just how necessary those sidekicks are to their friends until they leave or we get to hear about their lives from their perspectives. I'm definitely looking forward to reading some of the stories you put together in this story book. I think you have something great on your hands here! Awesome work so far and I will for sure be checking back in to see what amazing stories you've written about the brave Roger Godberd.
ReplyDeleteAlec,
ReplyDeleteI like many others, thoroughly enjoy Robin Hood so I have lots of high hopes for your writing! Your intro is perfectly executed really hooking the audience and getting them engaged with your writing. I like that you really honed in on his "overlooked and forgotten" sidekick. The ending to your intro was like, the 'mic drop' moment, of your writing that really made me want to go on to your next piece of writing.
The poem 'The Sherwood Investigators', was very well worded. The writing is concise, it provides good details, and it is capable of standing alone as a poem.
Hey Alec,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook really impressed me. I like the format of having some sort of a in-story narrator announce what each story is going to be about before the actual narrative happens.
For your introduction, I thought it was pretty good, but I think you could improve it by having the bottom section not just say what the storybook is going to be about, but rather write it into prose somehow. That's not exactly good criticism, because I think your introduction is fine, but I like the idea stylistically a bit more.
Your first story was very good. I liked how you had the storyteller speak with an accent in his dialogue, because it made me as the reader visualize what this guy might look like. The story's conflict was also built up pretty well, even though the reader probably knows that Robin Hood is going to get caught. I liked your adaptations. They kept the tone of the story and didn't seem out of place at all.
Keep up the good work!
Joe Wagner
Hi Alec!
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction is in great shape. I know exactly what you are going to be writing about and you used very good descriptive words that made me want to read on. I only had one question at the end of the intro, would the stories be just about his sidekick and how things went for him, or would it be about both Robin Hood and the sidekick?
Your first story was written very well. I'm wondering, is the first part of the intro and story in quotes written by you or taken from somewhere else? If you wrote it, I am very impressed by how you wrote the language. It got me into the characters world. In your author's note, I noticed that you said "this is a story of now" and I think you meant to say "how". Other than that I didn't notice any typos or anything. Very good job!
Hi Toni, the beginning of the story and the introduction came from my imagination. For the first story, I listened to an audio recording of my uncle taken last year. It was pretty painful to listen to, but it gave me great inspiration. Thanks for that typo catch!
DeleteYour project is so cool and is coming along very nicely. I love the way that you open up your introduction- I am familiar with Robin Hood but I'm excited to see how you retell and change his story!
ReplyDeleteI really like the set up and the colors on your site, as well as the illustrations. It really sets up a cool scene for the reader. I also really like the you have a quote to start off your stories that connects your writing to your intro. I think it's cool that you introduce Roger Godberd in the story- I was unaware that he was the inspiration!
Your writing style is very unique and really fun- I really enjoyed reading your intro and story.
Great job, cant wait to read more!
Emily
Alec, right at the beginning of your introduction I could tell that you are a naturally gifted writer. The layout of your website even set the tone for the story and when I started reading, it all came to life so wonderfully. So, well done! I loved how you dove right in with dialogue and then explained it later on in the introduction. I think that is necessary to help the reader understand exactly what's going on while still diving right into the story. The town crier is a perfect "narrator" for this story and is so fitting for the time. When I started reading the first story and read that the dialogue was in a more natural tongue for the time, it really helped me hear what the crier was saying. I would caution you to still make sure it flows well and is readable. Some times I found myself re-reading some sentences for clarification. But the overall effect was great! The actual story of the competition was marvelous. It left some ambiguity about if the winner really was Robin Hood or not. I did not expect him to be saved, so that was a great surprise. I think you're on track for a fantastic Storybook. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHey Alec,
ReplyDeleteI have said this before, but you're are incredibly gifted natural writer. As soon as I started reading I was hooked by your diction and how you actually made it seem like we were in the times of Robin Hood. I really like your theme as a whole, Ive always been a big fan of Robin Hood and I think it was super clever to make Roger his apprentice. I also really liked how you adapted the classic story of Robin Hood winning the archery competition into how Roger became Robins apprentice. Another thing I enjoyed was all of the pictures you included in your storybook, they really brought out the atmosphere of the story and really visually showed what I was reading. I thought it was super interesting how they created the character of Robin Hood from the stories of Roger Godberd and I like how you adapted Roger into his apprentice. Im looking forward to checking back on this storybook to hear more about their adventures!
Hi Alec! I think you did a fantastic job with your introduction. You really nailed the whole "grabbing the reader's attention" thing. I think starting out the introduction with the town crier making an announcement was a great idea. It made the storybook start off strong and interesting, while also providing a little bit of background. You also did a good job explaining why you chose this path for your storybook while staying in the tone you created with the town crier's announcement. Overall the introduction was solid and I think you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteYour first story was great. I think sticking with the storytelling vibe was a good idea. I also thought it was a good idea to start and end the story off with the language an old storyteller would use, but then having normal verse in the middle. It made the story a lot easier to follow/read. I think if you had left the whole story in the writing style you used to start the story that you would have lost the reader because they were trying to decipher what was being said. So, good call. Your author's note was perfect. I don't know a lot about Robin Hood, so your note was very beneficial in me understanding the story more. The history behind Roger Godberd was also very beneficial in seeing where you got your inspiration from.
Overall you did a great job and there wasn't anything that needed fixing that I saw. I can't wait to read the next story!
Hey Alec! I think you’ve done a great job on your storybook so far, I’m really enjoying it. The plot is very interesting and the suspense factor you’ve got going on is really nice too. I also think the dialog flows well. Robin’s accent is nice and it definitely fits him. I also like the fact that Roger has a little companion in Scout! The “honor among thieves” mention from “Rosalinde the Enchantress” was a cool concept to add as well.
ReplyDeleteI did notice a few possible grammar errors in “Rosalinde the Enchantress” though. In the sentence starting with “throughout the previous weeks…” you say “has” when I think it’d flow better if it was “had” instead. Also, when you talk about Rosalinde’s melody you say “it was almost intoxication” when I think “intoxicating” would fit better.
Good luck on the rest of your storybook!
Hey Alec! I am already intrigued by your storybook because I do not know much about Robin Hood other than his acts of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. You also use great visual wording that keeps me wanting to read past the introduction. Setting up the forest as a dark and dangerous place filled with monsters and magic is a great hook. What if you extended the story towards the end? The capture and hanging of Roger seemed to be rushed. One moment, Roger is winning the competition and two sentences later he is at the gallows with a noose around his neck. I really like the story but I think it would be great to add some suspense and build up to the moment the trap door opens up. Overall, I love the theme you are working with and I cannot wait to keep reading.
ReplyDeleteAlec-
ReplyDeleteI liked your intro for your storybook. The large image in the middle really grabbed my attention before I read anything, which set the tone in my head of what your story was going to be about. At first glance, the image appears to be a typical town square from a couple centuries ago. Upon further inspection, though, I could see the wisps of ghosts and magical creatures throughout, making my intrigue increase.
The concept of Robin Hood is great- stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. So I was interested in how you were going to mix things up in your work. Other than a few misplaced words and other simple errors, your writing flowed quite nicely and was easy to follow and read. I loved how your author’s note described why you selected this story and the inspiration you found to write it. It made it much easier to follow the train of thought you pursued while writing. Great job!
You’re doing a great job on this storybook! I looove how you’re pulling inspiration for this. It was very clever to use Roger, and make him on an equal footing (in terms of skill) with Robin. You’re also doing a really nice job of blending your inspiration from lots of sources. I like how you’re picking bits and pieces from lots of different types of folklore.
ReplyDeleteI also think you’re doing a great job with writing style. You’re using descriptive language well, and I’m enjoying the dialogue. I especially liked how Robin addressed the monster. I do have one suggestion on style, though. You bookend “The First Encounter” with a narrator with a strong accent. I think that you could convey the same personality and make it slightly easier to read by taking out some of that dialect. You just don’t need quite so much to make a reader read with an accent in their head. One or two words unique to the vernacular of a medieval Englishman (or whatever you like) and a couple of places where you write in their accent (using “da”, an’, partakin’, etc) should do it.
Hey Alec,
ReplyDeleteThis is such a cool storybook! I love how creative you got with it. I feel like you really set up a whole new world. The minstrel/storyteller at the beginning of the introduction and stories really helps draw the reader in and it gives the whole thing a unifying element, which I really like. Your development of the Godberd character is really interesting. I love that you chose to focus on someone who is so overlooked. I also like that you sample from so much source material throughout the storybook—everything from greek mythology to classic fairytales to real life historical figures. It makes the reading experience so much richer! I also like all the pictures you chose. You place them in a way that helps break up the story, and they all seem to fit your theme. Keep up the awesome work. I'm excited to read more!
Hey Alec, great job on your continued storybook. You have done great at creating a plot of your own and growing it into a beautiful creation. I love how you have portrayed Roger and Robin to have similar fighting and mental abilities. This makes the story much more interesting. Another thing that you are doing great is your use of language and grammar tone. You have done a great job in each of your stories setting the tone early and building up off of that. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWow! You used many stories in your project, and I think you did well in relating their details together. In your introduction, I was very surprised that you created the accented dialogue for the storyteller. It created a very good imagery, and it was quite amusing for reader like me. Was it hard to create the spelling for the words based on accent? For the first story, I think the chapter is very important to introduce all the main characters of the story. Personally, I knew the story about Robin Hood, but I like how you chose a sidekick for the main character for this project. I think the sidekick is also a very talented person, but like you said, they tended to be overshadowed by the main hero. For the third story, you created a good climax’s buildup. For the story’s line, I think you did very well. I want to point out something: 1) the format of image’s title in the introduction is not consistent with the format of other images in the story, and 2) the last image in your third story does not have an image’s link. Overall, your storybook kept my interest since the beginning. I am looking forward for the last chapter about rescuing Robin Hood and the whole town.
ReplyDeleteWell you really have used quite a bit of source material here to really flesh out your storybook piece. You've also done a pretty good job of making sure they're all very well interconnected. I accented dialogue is interesting and fairly well done though it can take a reader a bit to really tell what you're trying to do with it. It still makes for excellent work and the tone you've maintained throughout really holds the piece together in a unique way. I really liked that both Roger and Robin are so very similar in both combat and mental faculties. This is definetly one of the more creative storybooks that I've seen so far so very well done. Great job and good luck with any and all revisions you make with this project!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job of telling it from the view of a third person. I haven't read these stories yet, but I think that it was a great job! I like how you even used the story teller's accented language. It makes it feel like someone is telling it to you when you are reading through the story. I think it was a great idea of changing the story into Roger shooting in the competition instead of Robin. My question is why didn't they identify that he wasn't Robin? I was creative for him to be at his death on the gallows. Robin saving him was a great idea. I also think that it is funny that while they were getting away one of the men stole the golden arrow that Roger should have won. I think you did a great job on this story and I can't wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteAlec,
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook because I was intrigued by the title. After reading the blurb about your book, I had to read more! The poem on the opening page of your storybook was a very nice addition. I like how it is the first thing the reader sees, because it is so relevant to the rest of your storybook.
The first paragraph in the introduction was very well written! It gives the reader just the right amount of information they need to continue reading and to grab their attention. You also do a good job of painting a picture for the reader through, not only your descriptions, but also the vocabulary you use. One line that stuck out to me in particular was, "'Should anyone be harboring...five harvest seasons!'" You do a great job of writing in the correct time period.
I can tell that you enjoy writing and your storybook has been one of my favorites I have read this semester. Great job!!